Today I saw two fire engines, and a man emerging from a hole in the ground. Two other men were there to pull him out. “Sorry,” he said, as he handed one his walkie-talkie. Then they rolled the manhole cover over the hole.
Manhole is a funny word. My first exposure to manhole covers was watching the children’s TV show Sesame Street, where they made much of them. I always thought they looked like something good to eat, like the cookie part of an Oreo.
Later when I am remade into the super powerful cyborg version of myself I will eat manhole covers as a snack.
Why I Won’t Play Stronghold Crusader, or The Coming Water Crisis
The Crusaders were knights who lived in the Middle Ages. Or sometimes children. They wore armor. They were Christians who wanted to kill Muslims. Some of them looked for the Holy Grail. They were sent to the Holy Land by the Pope. And then another Pope.
Stronghold Crusader is a city builder and real-time strategy game for the PC released by FireFly Studios in September 2002. In it players journey to unspecified “Arabian lands” to relive battles from the Crusades. The packaging for Stronghold Crusader says that players can Hire fierce warriors, Incinerate all who oppose them, Hoard every last drop of water, Outmaneuver their foes, Seize fertile land, Scale walls to slay their enemies, Charge into battle, and Unleash fiery destruction.
Wait a minute. “Hoard every last drop of water?” Maybe I do want to play, after all.
Being Friends with Cassandra Was a Total Buzz Kill
I know what you’re thinking: What an ungrateful bitch. And: If I’d been her friend, it would have been different. I would have listened, I would have learned from her gift.
Well I’m here to tell you: bullshit. You think that, just the way you think if only you’d been around for poor old Vinny Van G., he would have lived to be an old man with both ears still attached to his head. To which I say, no way. Both of them would have driven you crazy, too, if only you’d known them. Those kinds of people are only cool once they’re dead.
With Cassie, it never ended. ‘He’s not right for you,’ ‘I wouldn’t drink that,’ ‘Are you sure you want to take Main Street to the palace today,’ ‘The Empire is going to collapse.’ That gets old quick. I mean, even if it’s all true, so what? What else can you do but live your life? It’s no good to spend all your time looking worrying. All the philosophers say so.
And don’t believe that stuff about how no one ever believed her. We knew she was probably right, most of the time. And we remembered her prophesies, too, though afterward we pretended not to. We just didn’t want to hear her saying ‘I told you so’ all the time, you know?